How To Annoy The Wolf Pack
by shine-of-a-star
Summary: Madison Camerson is Jared's younger sister. Since she is left out a lot of things that the pack do, she decides that she will go to whatever lengths it takes to annoy and irritate them.
1. Chapter 1

**Madison Cameron, Jared's younger sister. Luckily, she didn't get the wolf gene. That doesn't mean she doesn't hang out with the pack. Join her as she annoys and irritates the Quileute's.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Twilight. If I did the wolves would be wearing a lot less than shorts.**

I think Jared should appreciate and value me a lot more. I mean, this morning for example. I got up like the usual routine, watched a bit of Spongebob then started having a go at me because apparently /I/ kept him and Kim up all night. I kindly pointed out that it's not my fault if I can't sleep because all I can hear from the room beside me (that's him room) are bumps and moans! Basically, I was trying to get to sleep and obviously I couldn't. What do I do? Put The Lion King on. I turned the TV right up and sang along to all the songs until they shut up. Luckily, my mom wasn't home because she was out with Emily. You're probably wondering how I didn't get tired. I was drinking Monster and eating M & M's. You get my point, okay. Jared should be protective of me because I'm the youngest and some of his friends (not naming names but pretty much the whole pack) are hot.

Now, here I am, at one of those bloody bonfires. The pack is here, their imprints, Billy and Sue. Claire is even here. I'm sat between Jared and Seth. Seth's okay because he's my best friend but Jared is irritating me again. He just stole my chicken! Time to start noting how to annoy everyone. I got out a pen and notebook (I knew that I'd get bored which I why I brang it with me) and started writing:

**Operation Annoy The Pack (OATP)**

**Tell Paul that he has anger issues, is possibly mentally unstable and that he needs to take anger management classes.**

**Tell Rachel that she needs to sign Paul up for these anger management classes.**

**Ask Jared why he and Kim moan when they sleep and act all innocent about it. (This one has to be asked in front of the whole pack.)**

**Steal their food.**

**Lick their food before they eat it.**

**Ask Jared if his boobs have fully developed yet.**

**Make Embry drive me to the McDonalds drive-thru, specify to McDonalds that I would like my meal 'to go' and not give any to Embry.**

**Ask Jacob whether he's managed to get into Bella's virgin pants yet.**

**Bad mouth about Bella in front of Jacob.**

**Tell Jacob that Edward Cullen is sexy. (Haha, but, he's not.)**

**Follow a few paces behind Quil, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.**

**Lick the fillings out of the Oreos, place the cookie parts back in the tray then offer them to my dear werewolf friends.**

**At any available time at one of these campfires, insist on having a sing-song. E.g. F.U.N, Campfire Song Song, Goofy Goober. Yes, all Spongebob.**

**Ask Paul how he felt when Bella bitch slapped him.**

**Steal even more of their food.**

**Insist on dressing Leah up as a princess and making her look more like a girl rather than an attractive male with boobs. (I don't know why I feel like tormenting Leah, she isn't that bad.)**

**Talk about dinosaurs.**

**Force them into going up to the mountain, which I shall refer to as Candy Mountain, to look for a pet dinosaur.**

**Ask Brady if I can put him on a leash and call him my 'puppy'.**

I soon stopped writing when I saw Jared being nosey; can't have him knowing my plans. Billy had just finished telling that Chief thing tale. I wasn't listening. I never do. I saw my chance as it seemed to be silent.

"I have an idea!" I perked up as everyone glanced at me. I cleared my throat. "I call this one, the Campfire Song Song." I picked up a random guitar which I couldn't play but it didn't matter. Claire looked rather happy about this. I know she knows the lyrics because we sing together regularly. "Let's gather around the campfire and sing our campfire song," I started to sing at the top of my voice, ignoring the groans and shut ups being thrown at me, "our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song and if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along..."

"Bom, bom, bom!" Claire joined in. There. That girl is my inspiration and motivation to carry on.

I started singing faster. "C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think that we can sing it faster than you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song! Claire!"

"Song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E..." Claire seemed a bit lost – at least she tried.

"Jared!" I tried to encourage him into singing as well (actually, I didn't do anything but still). He sat their like a lemon and tried his best to ignore me. "Good! It'll help; it'll help, if you just sing along! OH YEEAAHH!"

Once I finished serenading everyone, they all gave me a weird look (except Claire). Quil and Embry just sort of clapped awkwardly but then Jacob stopped them.

"Why...?" Was all that Sam asked.

"It's a campfire!" I simply beamed. "At a campfire, you sing songs and tell stories... And eat marshmallows. Anyway, since Billy told a story I thought I would sing... Shall I sing something else? I want chicken first though!"

The next thing I heard was a tragedy.

"Paul ate it all."

I could have screamed. That bastard ate all the chicken. ALL OF THE CHICKEN! It's not fair. I love chicken too. As a matter of fact, I love chicken more than Paul.

"Um..." Jared looked uncertain at my silence. "Madison, are you okay? You're extremely quiet."

It took me a moment to realize that my brother was talking to me. "I'm fine," I sniffed. "I think I just need time to mourn over the chicken. May the chicken which I wanted to eat rest in peace. Amen."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for all your reviews. I have decided that at the start of each chapter I will put the list and cross out any that have been done.**

****Please note that this fanfiction has mostly been made for humour which is why it can be weird.**

I have added more annoying things to my list. Yesterday, my song really irritated everyone and after I mourned the chicken, I threw dirt at Paul. He was not happy. On the bright side, Rachel thought it was funny. I have no idea why that is a bright side but still. I mean, ever since they got together he doesn't seem to freak out as much. This is exciting, I can start crossing off the things I've done! Which... It's one thing but still.

**Operation Annoy The Pack (OATP)**

**1] Tell Paul that he has anger issues, is possibly mentally unstable and that he needs to take anger management classes.**

**2] Tell Rachel that she needs to sign Paul up for these anger management classes.**

**3] Ask Jared why he and Kim moan when they sleep and act all innocent about it. (This one has to be asked in front of the whole pack.)**

**4] Steal their food.**

**5] Lick their food before they eat it.**

**6] Ask Jared if his boobs have fully developed yet.**

**7] Make Embry drive me to the McDonalds drive-thru, specify to McDonalds that I would like my meal 'to go' and not give any to Embry.**

**8] Ask Jacob whether he's managed to get into Bella's virgin pants yet.**

**9] Bad mouth about Bella in front of Jacob.**

**10] Tell Jacob that Edward Cullen is sexy. (Haha, but, he's not.)**

**11] Follow a few paces behind Quil, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.**

**12] Lick the fillings out of the Oreos, place the cookie parts back in the tray then offer them to my dear werewolf friends.**

**13] At any available time at one of these campfires, insist on having a sing-song. E.g. F.U.N, ****Campfire Song Song****, Goofy Goober. Yes, all Spongebob.**

**14] Ask Paul how he felt when Bella bitch slapped him.**

**15] Steal even more of their food.**

**16] Insist on dressing Leah up as a princess and making her look more like a girl rather than an attractive male with boobs. (I don't know why I feel like tormenting Leah, she isn't that bad.)**

**17] Talk about dinosaurs.**

**18] Force them into going up to the mountain, which I shall refer to as Candy Mountain, to look for a pet dinosaur.**

**19] Ask Brady if I can put him on a leash and call him my 'puppy'.**

**20] Meow occasionally.**

**21] Make a gold star chart and give each pack member a gold star when they have done something good.**

**22] Ask them to prove everything they say.**

**23] Sing the Barney Theme song.**

**24] Make them dress up as vampires.**

**25] Tell them that vampires are way cooler than testosterone turning into a dog. **

I think I'm going to start from the first one, then go down because then I won't get as confused. However, Candy Mountain may have to come sooner or later because it seems like fun.

"Paul?" That bastard just ate my muffin... Emily's making more but still. Whatever happens next is his entire fault.

"What do you want, squirt?" Is he calling me small?

"You've been Jared's friend for a very long time now. I'm your friend. A very close friend. In fact, I'm very much like a sister to you. This brings me to the conclusion that being the caring person I am, I need to look out for you. Paul, this is an intervention." I said that in a really serious voice. Again, everyone was looking at me weirdly. "You have anger issues. Like, and I mean it. You can be a right asshole when you get angry which, can I just say, is pretty much all the time. I have reasons to believe that you're mentally unstable and have given Rachel the number for Doctor Carlisle Cullen who apparently does anger management classes. Thank you for listening, Paul. I know this may seem sudden but you need to calm down otherwise you're never having kids." At that point, I smiled and ran out the door singing (sort of humming, I don't know) the Mission: Impossible theme tune and done a roly-poly on the porch.

I went straight back in when Emily announced that the muffins were ready. I saw Paul eying the last one; my gaze met his. I quickly leapt forward, grabbed the muffin... And licked it.

"Madison, I was going to eat that!"

"You at my last one and last night you ate all of the chicken!"

"I can't eat it now; it has your germs on!"

"ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES FOR YOU, MISTER."

"You're so annoying, shut up about that."

"Dude, at least I aint' no hybrid."

"I'm... I'm not a hybrid."

"Yes, you are. An idiot and a moron."

"How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

"Rude. No gold stars for you, mister!"

"Will you two kindly shut up?"

Stupid Sam.

Interrupting us.

Making me sit outside next to this plonker.

"Twat." I muttered under my breath, coughing at the same time.

"Bitch."

"Jared! Jared!" I started shouting and ran back into Emily's to complain. "Paul called me a bitch! Swearing lacks vocabulary; can someone tell him to not use violent words around me?" Everyone rolled their eyes at me.

"Madison, I mean this in the kindest way, are you on crack?"

I giggled at the word crack, even though Sam looked serious. "I self-inserted the word butt... Butt crack... Does no one find that funny? It is a bit funny..."

"It's not... It's really not." I frowned at Jared. He's just an asshole.

"Oh phooey."

"Can I come inside now?"

SHUT UP, PAUL.

"No, dogs stay outside," I kindly answered then looked at the other wolves. "Dogs outside please. Come on, out! Out, out, out!" I managed to push Embry, Quil, Brady and Colin out. The others didn't seem to shift so I found a stick and threw it outside. "FETCH! Go on, go and play with the stick..." At that point, no one was leaving so I started throwing food outside. They all ran out to, and I quote, 'rescue' it.

"Honestly, girl. Sometimes, you make me want to bash my head against a brick wall."

"You and Jared make me want to slam my tongue in a car door, Kimmie."

"Do Paul and I make you want to slam your tongue in a car door?"

"No, Rachel, as a couple you do not. Paul in general does. Seriously, though. I think you should sign him up for anger management. One time, he tried to smash a vase over my head."


	3. Chapter 3

**Just before I start this chapter, I have another Twilight story called 'A Charmed Heart: When Wolf Meets Witch.' It's about Seth's imprint who I think would get along well with Madison. I don't know if anyone reads it (if not, then please check it out because it's in need of views at the moment) which is why I won't include her due to it being very doubtful that anyone will know who she is. She's a witch and is pretty much only friends with Seth, which is why she would love to annoy the pack. Thoughts on this idea are appreciated. **

**Operation Annoy the Pack**

**1] ****Tell Paul that he has anger issues, is possibly mentally unstable and that he needs to take anger management classes.**

**2] ****Tell Rachel that she needs to sign Paul up for these anger management classes.**

**3] Ask Jared why he and Kim moan when they sleep and act all innocent about it. (This one has to be asked in front of the whole pack.)**

**4] Steal their food.**

**5] Lick their food before they eat it.**

**6] Ask Jared if his boobs have fully developed yet.**

**7] Make Embry drive me to the McDonalds drive-thru, specify to McDonalds that I would like my meal 'to go' and not give any to Embry.**

**8] Ask Jacob whether he's managed to get into Bella's virgin pants yet.**

**9] Bad mouth about Bella in front of Jacob.**

**10] Tell Jacob that Edward Cullen is sexy. (Haha, but, he's not.)**

**11] Follow a few paces behind Quil, spraying everything he touches with a can of Lysol.**

**12] Lick the fillings out of the Oreos, place the cookie parts back in the tray then offer them to my dear werewolf friends.**

**13] At any available time at one of these campfires, insist on having a sing-song. E.g. F.U.N, ****Campfire Song Song****, Goofy Goober. Yes, all Spongebob.**

**14] Ask Paul how he felt when Bella bitch slapped him.**

**15] Steal even more of their food.**

**16] Insist on dressing Leah up as a princess and making her look more like a girl rather than an attractive male with boobs. (I don't know why I feel like tormenting Leah, she isn't that bad.)**

**17] Talk about dinosaurs.**

**18] Force them into going up to the mountain, which I shall refer to as Candy Mountain, to look for a pet dinosaur.**

**19] Ask Brady if I can put him on a leash and call him my 'puppy'.**

**20] Meow occasionally.**

**21] Make a gold star chart and give each pack member a gold star when they have done something good.**

**22] Ask them to prove everything they say.**

**23] Sing the Barney Theme song.**

**24] Make them dress up as vampires.**

**25] Tell them that vampires are way cooler than testosterone turning into a dog. **

I'm afraid that my 'powers' will get weak, considering Paul has begun to avoid me and the only ones that will even sit next to me are Rachel, Claire, Seth, Brady and Collin. Having said that, Rachel seems to be a bit wary. I'm not surprised, I do keep asking her when her and Paul will have kids (using the term reproduce) and keep giving her numbers for anger management sessions in the area.

"We are gathered here today-"

"Madi, this isn't a funeral..."

"Do not interrupt the Captain!"

"..."

"Now, we are all similar in age. This is why you can join my club; SOAP."

"...SOAP?" Seth was looking as confused as ever.

"Secret Organisation of Awesome People." I explained, rolling my eyes. "In this organisation we shall annoy pack members. If you join, I will make sure that I won't annoy you and let you have extra pickings at the food. Our operation... Operation Annoy the Pack. I once called it OATP but thinking about it, OAP would sound better... If you are in, say 'I'."

"...I!"

"I..."

"I!"

"Great." I started giving out little cards that I made on ... I needed an excuse to use it, okay? FYI, Moon Pig is so much more awesome than ! "I am the leader of this group; Captain Madison or just Captain Madi."

"Why Captain? Madi, you're a girl. Why don't you just call yourself... Madi – the team leader?" Collin dumbly asked. Stupid Collin.

"Because, we shall act as pirates and I shall be the captain! Just like Hook or Jack Sparrow! Having said that, we will also be acting as spies and secret agents... Now, I need a first mate." I started to give out walky-talkies along with an Oreo.

"Can I be first mate?" Seth asked cheerfully.

"That depends-"

"Why has the filling been licked out of this Oreo!?"

"Brady, you will loose a gold start if you keep interrupting your Captain. Eat the cookie." I rolled my eyes, "To be first mate, you have to prove yourself. Each of you has a walky-talky. Now, after getting your code names you will each proceed to do a task for me. If you are successful in annoying this... Victim, you will be first mate. I shall be Kitty Soft Paws and yes I have been watching Puss In Boots, moving on! Collin, you shall be Three Inches. Brady, you shall be Fluffy Bunny and Seth you shall be Officer Cheeky Butt."

"Mad-" I shot an evil-eye-glare at Brady, "Captain Madi... I don't wanna be Fluffy Bunny..."

"If you complain about your nickname I will hurt you nipples so bad, you wish you never joined my club." They were all silent then. Seth better not complain about his name. I had to go through three Google pages for that! "As you may know, Jared has thrown party in which we are too young to apparently attend. We're even banned from going down to get food. Introducing to you; the heist! See, we can all say that we're going to have a get together and watch Harry Potter. Every now and then, we will go down stairs and take food."

"That idea sounds quite awesome, actually."

"Thank you, Officer Cheeky Butt. Remember, the party starts at 8 so get there about 7 for planning and preparation. Incognito outfits preferably and DO NOT forget your walky-talkies." I actually wrote most of this down because I sadly know how forgetful they are.

"Madison, mom wants us home for dinner!" Shut up, Jared, shut up.

"Right, quick run over. Code names?"

"Three Inches."

"Officer Cheeky Butt!"

"..."

"Brady..."

"Fluffy Bunny..."

"Good! Now, what time will you be at mine?"

"7." Wow, Brady knows something!

"Wearing what?"

"A flamingo?"

"No, Seth... In-cog-nito. It means in disguise." I thought I was very kind explaining that to Officer Cheeky Butt. "And what mustn't you forget?"

"The walky-talkies! Madi, we know what to do." No, Collin the Collie Dog, you probably do not. "Um... What does 'Three Inches' mean?"

"MADISON, WE'RE LEAVING!"

"Shut up, Jared!" I screamed, throwing a rock in his direction. Whilst most of them were sat on the beach, I made my new club hide behind the trees. "Three Inches is about your height."

"Mom wants us home for dinner, now!"

"Wait a minute!" I threw another rock. "Okay, so, 7PM sharp, incognito compulsory. Good day, club members!" I began to walk away. Notice my usage of the word 'began'.

"I still don't want to be Fluffy Bunny... Mads-"

"I said good day!" I stomped my foot and ran away. Well, I ran into a tree and then I ran away.

**SOAP needs more people (that's why I thought of my OC and her brother from my Seth story).**


End file.
